in multiple caves, browsing

layer down, as my father coughs to sleep. i am running out of tributaries. did the fountains at my disposal suddenly call me by gushing upwards of at least 20 feet?

i was here three years ago, maybe anxious to call an old man who once told me not to fiddle with all the photocopies he has made one afternoon. i wanted to apologize, but for what?

could every tweet i had seen some nights ago tell me that i have to know more people? has work made it harder for you—me—to meet interesting personalities? why am i even trying to dig deeper when i could easily say i'm in the wrong place the whole time?


look at me write incoherent stuff while looking at a profile! smoothly whisper to myself, "sanity is ironic." this undoing doesn't actually rely on negation. believe your friends. as parallel as you would like to think your timelines are, acknowledge your delusion. "sanity is ironic?"

i glance at the bloated books i never bothered to open if not for the flood last year.

maybe all i need from now is contextualization and forgiveness. and a more constant changelog, bordering on the performative (because "normal" people have a knack for misinterpreting my intentions!).

but you—i have overstayed. i should believe my friend when they implore me to be cynical of what i have seen in profiles in terms of its reliability to represent a person. for my own sake.

On Sympathy

I don't know if I just lost a friend. If I have, I don't know if I could express this need to go back to the point before I may have lost my friend without sounding too cliché. Not a need to defy death, just a need to rummage for the last normal I can remember.

Losing a friend is a purgatorial experience—from blinking cursors to downward shivers to losing a lot of blood to feeling like a hologram at some mall atrium anyone can pass through.

Impending revamp

To everything.

Mere outlooks in life, posture, dwelling units, choice of music, jumpshot for basketball, clothing, choice of camera, tweets, time spent on Facebook, nuances of people previously deemed incapable of anything but innocuous thought and activity to be valuable members of society trying to have a break from reality (which is a challenge and form of optimism), zine sizes, number of syllabic rhymes in a bar, people in contact with, bicycle brakes, food intake, love interest, hashtag character count, music player, VPN provider, internet service provider, podcasts, this lack of presence, forgoing a comma when sentences are short,